Even though you know there's something missing

I’ve never been very good at chess. I love playing it, I love the history of it and I own lots of different beautiful sets… I’m just not very good at it. The rules are easy, straightforward, fixed. It is not difficult to learn the basics of how to play chess. But learning how to actually play, well, that takes skill and patience. Because for every move you make, there are a specific number of counter-moves your opponent can make. The trick is to be able to see ahead not just to their next move, or your next move, but to all the possible outcomes that could result from every move taken. I find this process exhausting and difficult. I’m also really slow at it which is frustrating for the person playing against me. Usually I just give up after a certain point and make a rash decision. And then I lose. I always lose.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my flaws and whether it’s possible to really, fundamentally, change them, or whether I’m locked into being the person I am. Whether or not my rules are firmly set. I have been thinking about this in regard to other people too. Do people ever really change, even if they want to? I know that people get worse, that much is definite. I think it’s easier for us to get worse because all we have to do is continue to be oblivious to our faults or give into them for the same reasons they are there in the first place, because that’s our damage. So on that basis, are we doomed to forever be slaves to our damage?

Guest blog by Kathy Boulton: 5 things I learnt in Vietnam

Today I'm excited and proud to present you with a guest blog by my sister, Kathy, who is going to share with you some of her impressions of Vietnam following her visit there at the end of last year.

Please enjoy, share, comment and encourage!

Chrissy 😉

5 things I learnt in Vietnam 

So, in November, I went all the way to Vietnam. I’ve been meaning to put this blog together ever since, but, well, life (as it always does) got massively in the way. Finally, I pulled my laptop out, sat studiously at my dining room table and pieced it all together. This is my first experience of writing a blog. It’s also been a loooong time since I’ve written anything, my studying days being far behind me. But it’s been fun. Really fun. And a good way to reflect on what was, in such a clichéd way, a life changing experience. 

Vietnam is never somewhere I thought I would visit, but when my sister and her partner moved there to work and travel last March, it became the place I wanted to go. Not only did I get to spend loads of time with them after nine months apart, but I also got to experience the life they had been living and after months of hearing what Vietnam was like, I could see it, smell it and taste it for myself. It was a holiday, an adventure, but it was more than that. Because they had been working and living in Saigon, I got to see the city from a different perspective. I saw it from the point of view of people actually living and working there. My sister was working as a teacher, so I got to experience her commute on a city bus, go to districts that I wouldn’t have even considered going to and met people I wouldn’t have done in any other regard. I feel that I got to see the city properly and experience a taste of Vietnamese life. I think I learned a lot in a very short space of time, about myself, other people, food, culture and another small part of the great big wider world. But I decided to narrow down what I learnt for the purposes of this blog, otherwise I think I would be writingforever! So, here are 5 things I learnt in Vietnam. 

A letter to the would-be adventurer: packing dos and don'ts

My latest article for the Big Mouf website can be found here, if you fancy a read...

http://www.bigmouf.com/a-letter-to-the-would-be-adventurer/

As ever, any shares or comments are greatly appreciated, but mostly just reading it means the world to me. 😄

Too late, I already took the red pill

I wrote this in a weird dream like state, but alas I accidentally deleted it before I made a copy, and had to write another one. It will never be what it was, possibly will never be as good, but I felt I said some important stuff in it, so I rewrote it. With that in mind, if it's a bit shit, rest assured that the original surely kicked arse.
It's strange, experiencing things I've never experienced before. It's something that's happening every day at the moment. But I worry, did I wait too long to do this? The grey hairs sprouting at the back of my head say yes, I did wait too long. Better late than never I hope. It would have been so sad if I had never been here to see these things.
Christmas was like stepping into a time bubble. It was comforting and homely, only more comforting and homely than I ever remember home actually being. I ate and ate, new food, awesome food, food we used to cook and could again. I drank way too much and watched hours of daytime TV in my pyjamas. It was a rest, a much needed rest, time to heal. All of this was nearly enough to make me believe that nothing had changed, that I've not changed, but that was the lie. It's like that bit in the Labyrinth,* when Sarah thinks she is home again but she is sill actually on the adventure. All the trappings were there, all the home comforts I thought I needed, but it wasn't my home. I don't have a home right now. I had one, and I loved it, but it became a prison. I was trapped in amber while all of my friends moved on, made plans and set goals that no longer involved staying up with me until the wee small hours, talking about where we have been, who we think we are, and who we could be.

Teaching in Saigon: April and everything after...

I've put this post off for a while, although I suppose it was somewhat inevitable that I would get to it eventually. It’s the biggie, the main thing I’ve been doing for the past six months while living in Vietnam, namely, teaching English as a foreign language. The reason why I haven’t done so before now is mainly because I’ve been busy focusing on what I’m doing,  trying not to suck at it, trying to improve quickly over a short period and that has left me with very little opportunity to actually reflect on my experiences. Even though I’m actually busier at the moment than I have been for the whole time I’ve been teaching here, my brain has finally done enough filing and contextualising in the quiet moments to allow me to form some opinions on what I have observed and encountered during my time teaching in Saigon, and these are what I’m going to share with you today.

West meets East: Part One

Below is the link to my first actual proper article for an actual proper website. Please help me to promote it by commenting on it, sharing it and reading it if you get chance!! Any support would be greatly, greatly appreciated 😃

http://www.bigmouf.com/west-meets-east-beauty-mark-1-part-1-of-a-series/

The website I've written for is an awesome New Zealand based lifestyle website and they have lots of interesting articles, vlogs and photoshoots so why not check out their Facebook page too?

https://www.facebook.com/pages/BigMouf/397607270432070

Thanks in advance you lovely people, and Happy Sunday!!

'Something always missing, always someone missing something'*

I've been living in Vietnam for five months now, and over this period, I've found it really difficult to spend time thinking about and reflecting on the experiences I have had, long enough to write about them. I think this is because life in Saigon is immediate and fast paced. You either get on board for the ride or get thrown about in its wake. You do actually have to live in the moment to survive, and those that know me must realise that this has been very hard for me, because I'm a world-class ditherer. Or at least, I was. But, as ever, life finds a way, and somewhere in between the chaos, my thoughts have been forming like bubbles in the background, gradually amassing to the point where they have forced me to find the time to put pen to paper.